'Taking Over' ☼☼☼☼BANG BANG BANG

Kaitlin is the silliest and El Dispatcher the most extraordinary, but of the nine characters Danny Hoch brings to life in the stunning 'Taking Over' at Berkeley Rep, Marian sees it and says it best.

She is an older black lady who has lived her whole life in the same apartment on the same block in Brooklyn's rapidly gentrifying Williamsburg neighborhood. Like many of the other local characters Hoch portrays, Marian has seen it all from her stoop-- the crack epidemic of the '80s, the first white newcomers in the '90s and now the huge influx of people from all over America who are driving her and her friends out of their homes.

Her discovery is frighteningly simple: she and her nonwhite friends have not only become irrelevant, they are now invisible. Marian figures it out when she decides one day to walk into the new pastry shop -- "I do love me some almond croissants" -- and see what all the fuss is about. But no one will take her order. They don't even notice her when, in frustration, she grabs three four dollar pastries and walks out. No one says a word. "Those French people can quiche my ass," Marian says.



Oi, Kaitlin -- if you're from Berkeley she will make you cringe. Kaitlin wears a Nepalese natural fiber cape and sells jewelry and t-shirts on the sidewalk in front of Marian's house. She is clueless to her role in the gentrification process. If it weren't for El Dispatcher, Danny Hoch's spot-on whiney, self-entitled Kaitlin voice would steal the show.



But this guy -- this vato, this coño, this tigre -- nothing you will see on stage this year will leave you as breathless as El Dispatcher. He is the taxi dispatcher for New Brooklyn Cab Company. In his fifteen minute screamingly funny monologue he not only fields calls from all his cab drivers (who appear to be from every Latin American country), his clients calling for cabs, and his wife and children (who are named Ashley and Justin), but he also delivers a scathingly off-color stream-of-consciousness essay which could be called: "A Dominican's View of Every One Who is Not Dominican." Did we mention the whole shmear is delivered in perfectly accented Dominican Spanish? (We see the translation in supertitles above.) Ai, cabron. This Danny Hoch guy is the real deal.

Hoch has made his name in the hip-hop world, and he is founder of the Hip-Hop Theater Festival, but to call Taking Over 'hip-hop' is to call West Side Story 'Puerto Rican.' The show is so good it transcends labels. How about genius, tigre?

RATINGS: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ BANG BANG BANG

The San Francisco Theater Blog Awards Division awards Danny Hoch's 'Taking Over' as high a rating as can be achieved by a one man show: Four ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ and three BANGS. The first and most important Star is for tackling a real issue -- gentrification and what it means on all sides. Real Estate developer Stuart Guttberg (who is confused because demonstrators keep writing "Stuart Guttberg is an a**h***" on the walls of his new $300 million development) asks the cogent question: Aren't newcomers and boutiques better than crack houses and addicts?

Stars two and three are for performance brilliance, but Star four is for New York City. Wait 'til you hear the artist himself -- as one of the characters -- talk about 9-11. And just in case Danny Hoch didn't do all this by himself, let's give a shout out to director Tony Taccone, who has helped Hoch put the show together over the past few years.

There are too many BANGS to count. Franc the real estate agent gets one, as does Kiko, the ex-con who really needs a job because his mother is watching from the window. Even the exercise ball gets one.



Don't miss 'Taking Over.' A'ight?

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"Taking Over"
Berkeley Repertory Company
2025 Addison St., Berkeley
Tue-Sun through Feb. 10 (some days are dark) $33-$69

Speed The Plow: ☼☼☼ 1/2 BANG L-R-L

In medieval times, one friend might say to another: "God speed your plow," which roughly meant "Good luck, pal," with a touch of "Do good work." But we are hard pressed to find any work at all being done by Bobby Gould or Charlie Fox, the two Hollywood movie studio executives at the heart of David Mamet's 1988 'Speed The Plow," playing at A.C.T. through February 3. Mostly, the two men dance around each other in Gould's office, with the clever Fox attempting to compliment the vapid Gould into giving the green light to Fox's movie project, a move that could...could...make both of their careers.

By 1988 Mamet knew whereof he wrote. He was finishing up his Hollywood phase, having written screenplays for 'The Postman Always Rings Twice,' 'The Untouchables' and 'House of Games,' with the memorable film version of 'Glengarry Glen Ross' still to come. So he knew how to toss out zingers like:

Bobby: "I piss on money."

Charlie: "I know you do, and I'll help you."

Gould (Matthew Del Negro, fresh from his recurring role on The Sopranos as financial advisor Brian Cammarata) is as tall, handsome and successful as Fox (Andrew Polk) is short, fat and desperate. So the relationship of the two long time friends is ripe to be tested -- cue (Hollywood vamp music, please) the beautiful Karen.



Played rather quietly by Jessi Campbell (remember, on stage in New York this role was played by Madonna!), Karen is determined to have her way with Bobby, which she most certainly does. As Act One ends, she opens her arms, looks into Bobby's eyes and cries: "What if you prayed to be pure and your prayers were answered? Well, here I am."

Act Two takes a most appreciated twist. Let's just say the two men are smiling and smoking cigars at the end, but it ain't no Hollywood Happy Ending.



RATINGS: ☼☼☼ 1/2 BANG L-R-L

Mamet never disappoints. There is even a special Mamet Category: Squirms. Speed The Plow is a Three Squirmer: Left-Right-Left. One Star for that. Another goes out to Andrew Polk and another to Matthew del Negro -- Polk earns his for the way he lounges in Bobby's chair at the end of Act Two, after an hour and a half of barely disguised hostility. It's a masterful job. Del Negro just says his lines, but that's all he's supposed to do. He shares his star with director Loretta Greco for allowing him the luxury of not overacting. A half star and a smile for Sound Designer Jake Rodriguez, whose wonderful faux-Hollywood sitcom music fills up all the holes. A Special Bang is awarded for Charlie's comment to Karen: "Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair: it's full of surprises, and you're constantly getting f***ed."
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"Speed The Plow"
American Conservatory Theater
415 Geary Street, San Francisco
Tue-Sun through Feb. 3. $17-$82

A.C.T.'s 'A Christmas Carol': ☼☼☼ 1/2 BANG

You know the characters, you know how the story turns out, you've seen or heard it a dozen times on TV or video or on the radio or on a record. You may even approach the evening at A.C.T. Theater with trepidation, saying to yourself "Oh, Man! A Christmas Carol AGAIN? We'll be out of there by Act Two."

Humbug. You'll be on your feet at the end of Act One AND Act Two, shouting "Bravo! or "Fezziwig!" If you are like this writer, you will want to grow up to be just like Scrooge.



You get good Bob Cratchit (the excellent Jud Williford) and his poor but humble family, including crippled Tiny Tim. You get bad Ebenezer Scrooge whose last name has come to define skinflintedness for more than a hundred years. Toss in the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. The result is the triumph of lightness over dark, of good over evil.



Ah, but you are not prepared for James Carpenter, whose Scrooge at the opening is frighteningly formidable, but by the time the ghost of Bob Marley (Jack Willis) gets done with him has become a groveling, frightened old man before our eyes. You are not prepared for John Arnone's sets (if you've ever drunk a quart of spoiled egg nog maybe you'll recognize the deep green and horrific specter of Christmas Future) and Beaver Bauer's costumes, especially the two Spanish Onions and two Turkish figs, played by children, who captivate us in the audience as they are doing so to Ebenezer on stage.





This is not children's theater in Gilroy, friends; it's the big city, with music, dancing, fabulous acting and full production values. It's so easy to be a grinch and complain about all the Christmas-y overkill we must all face each and every year. With 'A Christmas Carol' perhaps we have the antidote. Take one and blog me in the morning.

RATINGS:☼ ☼ ☼ 1/2 BANG

The San Francisco Theater Blog Awards Division awards A.C.T.'s 'A Christmas Carol a full star and a half for Scrooge himself ("Fell in Love? BAH!"); a star for the memorable dance sequence at the Fezziwigs' party; another for Marley rising out of Scrooge's bed (Take THAT, Sigmund Freud), plus all the Ghosts of Christmas Whenever. A special BANGLE is awarded for the priceless moment on Opening Night when Bob Cratchit and family were gathered around their meager Christmas repast on stage, and a little voice called out from somewhere in the second balcony: "Mewwy Cwistmas to you too!"

Are you smiling? This is for the way you get to feel when you walk out of the theater after the final curtain calls. If you don't like 'A Christmas Carol,' you must be a Republican.

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American Conservatory Theater
415 Geary Street
San Francisco
Dec 7-23 Tue-Sun. $18-$82

Mrs. Bob Cratchit's Wild Christmas Binge! ☼ ☼ 1/2 BANG BANG

The combination of a wonderful premise, plus the appearance of many favorite Bay Area actors, keep Act One of 'Mrs. Bob Cratchit's Wild Christmas Binge!' lurching forward at a rewarding and hysterical pace. The audience identifies strongly with long-suffering Mrs. Crachit, played to exasperated perfection by Joan Mankin, whose life with her impoverished do-gooder husband Bob (a showcase role for Keith Burkland) has driven her to the point of suicide. Little Tiny Tim (Lizzie Calogero) is as optimistic as only an idiot can be (Mommy! I only fell down 24 times today!) and Mrs. C.'s husband's employer Ebenezer Scrooge has just cut Bob Cratchit's meager salary in half. Li'l Nell (Jean Forsman) has tried to purchase presents for the entire family, but she has only been able to gather enough money for the wrapping.

This pushes Mrs. Cratchit over the edge. She decides to abandon her family, including the 20-plus adopted street urchins who live somewhere down in the root cellar, and head straight to the nearest bar, get drunk on Tequila Sunrises and then throw herself off the London Bridge into the Thames. So far, so silly and so wonderful.

But oi. The second act of Christopher Durang's 2002 spoof becomes mired in slapstick that might have been cute in New York five years ago but is mostly mystifying now. The actors try (Victor Talmadge as Scrooge stays perfectly in character despite an incomprehensible romance with...Leona Helmsley? Yes.), but there's only so much they or director Joy Carlin can do.



Those who remember SF Playhouse's excellent 'Reckless,' by Craig Lucas, another demented Christmas story that was mounted at the same time last season, will not exit the theater with the same enthusiastic feeling. But there are terrific moments, among them the finest and funniest version of 'Silent Night' you'll ever hear on a stage. Perhaps some day the playwright will reprise Mrs. Bob. Anyone who has ever felt dark thoughts about Christmas will continue to cheer for her.

RATINGS: ☼ ☼ 1/2 BANG BANG

The San Francisco Theater Blog Awards Division awards 'Mrs. Bob Crachit's Wild Christmas Binge!' one star for Keith Burkland and Joan Mankin, whose Mr. and Mrs. Bob Cratchit take suffering to a new level; another for the way the smooth production team manages to move all those scene changes on and off a small stage; and half a star for Cathleen Ridley's channeling of Billie Holiday at the opening of Act Two. A very special bangle is awarded for that slow-slower-slowest version of Silent Night and another bangle is shared both for tasering Scrooge and for keeping Ken Lay on the Bad Guy Front Page. Two and a half stars with two bangles for 'Mrs. Bob Crachit's Wild Christmas Binge!' Laughs are rare at Christmas. You get quite a few here.

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San Francisco Playhouse
533 Sutter Street (upstairs, above the Jean Shelton Theater)
San Francisco
Wed.-Sat. through January 12 $18-$36

The Crowd You're In With: ☼ ☼ baub

Dan (Kevin Rolston) and Windsong (Alison Jean White) are pregnant and both are happy to be. Jasper (T. Edward Webster) and Melinda (Makela Spielman) are not pregnant, but one of them wants to be. Karen (Lorri Holt) and Tom (Charles Shaw Robinson), seen below, are not pregnant and neither one wants to be.



The implied premise in Rebecca Gilman's 'The Crowd You're In With,' having its World Premiere at the Magic Theatre, is that kids ruin everything. The problem is that everyone at the barbecue in Jasper and Melinda's back yard is already having a perfectly miserable time. It's hard to imagine how much worse a brood of kids could make it.

Tom and Karen are Jasper and Melinda's landlords and they are a generation older. Their decision to never have children has made the younger couples uncomfortable, especially Jasper, who's not so sure he wants to have a child anyway. It's a squirmy afternoon in old Chicago, and director Amy Glazer keeps the pressure up by piling on one liner after one liner. For example, Tom reminisces about how no one ever came to see any of the old people in the home where his grandmother lived out her old age. "Is there more pain in having no one to come see you," he asks, "or knowing there's someone out there who doesn't come?"

"The Crowd You're In With" is a flash photo of an angst-filled moment in time. If the decision of whether or not to have children resonates with you, you'll enjoy the show. If not -- it's only one act and there's time to go home and call the kids.

RATINGS: ☼ ☼ baub

The SF Theater Blog Awards Division awards "The Crowd You're In With" one star for Alison Jean White's Windsong, who keeps coming up with charmers like: "Not to be anti-Polish, but they're a bunch of thugs." The rock-and-roller Dwight (Chris Yule)'s rant against people with children, who come to the restaurant where he waits tables, is wonderful and earns another star. A Bauble of Despair has to be acknowledged, though, because they had to make Dwight look so much like Jack Black. In fact, there are no musician cliches that Gilman missed -- you know, they're stupid, they're freeloaders, they want children but don't want to do any work. Does the reviewer have thin skin? Perhaps.

Two Stars with a Bauble for "The Crowd You're In With." It's pretty good.

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Magic Theatre
Landmark Building D, Fort Mason Center
Wed-Sun $25-$75

Cirque du Soleil's KOOZA: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

When you have a ratings system based on stars and BANGS, there is only one way to rate the new Cirque du Soleil show KOOZA: Star! BANG! Another BANG! Another Star! Whooo, did you see that? STAR! BANG! BANG!

This is a magnificent show. Gone are (most of) the irritating features for which Cirque du Soleil has become infamous, like canned music and (some of the) idiotic warbling in made-up languages that sound like Elves broke into the syntax machine. The show is backed by a terrific live band and, Glory to God, at one point they roll a riser to center ring and a fabulous drummer takes a featured solo!

Production values are still state-of-the-art, but they do not dominate. Kooza is a return to the old days of Cirque du Soleil, where the show is about the circus acts, not vice-versa.



And those circus acts! Kooza has ten, in this order:

1) Contortion OH MY GOD! BANG!
2) Solo Trapeze
3) Duo Unicycle HOLY SHMOLY! BANG!
4) Clowns
5) Highwire

(INTERMISSION: Buy bad coffee for $3.50 and T-shirts for $45 whose sizes have been modeled by three-foot-tall clowns. The extra-large wouldn't fit your cat. Some things never change.)

6) Wheel of Death. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS. BANG!
7) Pickpocket
8) Juggling THE BEST JUGGLER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! BANG!
9) Chairs Balancing NO! NO! PLEASE DON'T TRY THE ONE ARMED HAND STAND ON THAT LITTLE TEETERING CHAIR FIFTY FEET IN THE AIR! OHMIGOD HE DID IT! BANG!
10)Teeter Board

Through it all, clowns run amok, the sets are outlandishly cool, you've got lights and smoke and cannons firing confetti and the big top in the Giants Stadium parking lot is cozy and packed and it all feels like a major Big-E Event.



RATINGS: ☼☼☼☼ BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

The SF Theater Blog Awards Division awards Cirque du Soleil's KOOZA Four Stars with five BANGS. Yes, that's a lot of BANGS for the buck. But this is one of those rare occasions where big bucks and big sponsorship translates into brilliance. No middle-of-the-road play-it-safe stuff here, only one giant intake of breath after another. The three women contortionists at the beginning, the extraordinary dancing pair who somehow make you forget he is riding a unicycle, the absolutely heart-stopping wheel of death and the magically understated gymnast in a white thong balancing on ever-higher constructions of chairs -- well.

Don't miss KOOZA. This reviewer, a noted cheapskate, is thinking about tickets for the family for Christmas. That ought to tell you something.

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Big Top in the parking lot at AT&T Park (Giants Stadium)
Third Street at Terry Francois Boulevard
Tue-Sun through January 8
$38.50-$90

Slouching Towards Disneyland: ☼ 1/2 BANG baub

You can't say 'Slouching Towards Disneyland' is not clever and you can't say there aren't funny moments, even a few touching ones. You can't say Merle 'Ian Shoales' Kessler isn't an appealing front man and you can't say the concept of the world as an endless and mindless 'It's a Small World After All' theme park ride doesn't ring eerily true.

It is probable there is a built-in Bay Area audience for Kessler and sidekick Joshua 'Raoul' Brody and their anti-modernity rants, which may become more focused when the two men have had a little more time to learn their lines. They may find themselves choosing to banter less and sing a little more.

No would ever say these two are untalented guys. It's nothing short of amazing that Kessler danged near pulls the drowning cat out of the river at the very end when the Disneyland references FINALLY start to pay off the intriguing first line of the show's first song: "I found myself in Anaheim with a little time to kill."

But shoot. You can't say the audience gets to grow during the performance. You can't say one feels much empathy for the two curmudgeons on stage, unless you already felt that way before you came to the theater. And you can't say the show is worth running down to the Marsh to see, not yet anyway. But we've all seen inspiration from Kessler and Brody in the past and it's quite possible the Slouch may, in time, stand up, jump out of the motorized cart and start to evolve into something fascinating.

RATINGS: ☼ 1/2 BANG baub

The SF Theater Blog Awards Division awards 'Slouching Towards Disneyland' one star for the absolute hubris of defining the topic for the evening as 'everything that ever happened since the beginning of time.' Another half a star is given for Kessler's very pleasing solo voice but that uber-irritating tape loop that Brody keeps gleefully drawing from his Mac (it repeats 'The Dustbin of History...The Dustbin of History' like it actually means something) receives a bauble of despair. A special bangle goes out for the intriguing line: "Skin is to tattoos what memory is to computers." Not sure what it means but it's too cool to go unrewarded.

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The Marsh
1062 Valencia Street
Thu-Sat Through December 8
$15-$25 sliding scale